“Set your goals far higher than you think you can reach. Even if you fail, you’ll still make it halfway.”

I believed that for a long time.

But the higher I set my goals, the more I found myself looking down on the inadequate person I was in the present. Rather than motivating me, my goals only made my reality seem more pathetic. Instead of appreciating the single step I had taken today, I despaired over a destination so distant I could not even see it.

Specific and challenging goals can improve focus and effort. But that is only when they are supported by commitment, ability and appropriate feedback. When a goal is too far removed from reality or depends on things beyond our control, it can create helplessness rather than motivation.

So I decided to stop setting goals. Instead, I chose a direction — not towards the success defined by others, but towards a clearer understanding of my own values.

As I move forward, I discover paths I could not see at the beginning. I encounter new people and ideas. Sometimes, I realise that what I thought I wanted was simply what other people had taught me to want. When that happens, I change direction slightly. I no longer consider changing my destination a failure. It is better than stubbornly following the wrong map until I walk off a cliff.

Psychological research suggests that people persist longer and experience greater satisfaction when they pursue goals aligned with their own values. Conversely, being able to let go of an unattainable goal and find a new one is also an important part of protecting our mental health.

There is a trap here, however. Saying, “I don’t need goals; I only need a direction,” can become a rather elegant hiding place for someone who does not want to confront failure. Without a destination, it is difficult to know when we have lost our way.

So although I choose only a direction, I still pay attention to the changes taking place within me. I ask what I understand today that I did not understand yesterday, what I have created from that knowledge and which beliefs I have discarded. I no longer wait for some distant outcome to prove that I have grown. I look for growth in the small changes happening today.

Those changes give me a sense of fulfilment and the strength to take another step forward. As I walk, my own standards gradually become deeper and sharper. And I no longer imagine some perfect future version of myself, then allow that person to despise and dismiss who I am today.

Is there really one particular point in life that every one of us must reach?
Or is continuing to change in a direction we have chosen already proof that we are living well?